Random couplets

Going through my old writings I found these random thoughts I’d penned some years back. Even though I am emotionally and physically removed from the circumstances that prompted these thoughts, a part of me can still identify with the ideas.

I’ve treaded the empty corridors
And I’ve walked the crowded ones.

I have been vocal in the silence
And have been silent in commotion

I’ve been dead when alive
And embraced death with full life.

I wrote this sometime towards the end of 2005. I was sitting in KU, early in morning, in my favourite spot which gave a good view of the long empty corridor at 8am.

Chained am I by the sweet obligations;
Locked am I in others’ perception.
Suffocation is all I feel;
Freedom is all I seek.
Damnation is all I shall receive;
For my rebellion.
- April 27, 2004, 13:14

This was an outburst, followed by quite a few in the years to come. I think this was the first time I became conscious of my incompatibility with my cultural surroundings.

I am neither an infidel nor a worshipper;
I am neither a suicide bomber nor a war monger;
I am neither a dove nor a hawk;
I am neither a hero, nor a saviour,
I am no annihilator either,

War and peace, good and bad,
Are vague ideas beyond my reach
I will not change this world,
Nor the world will change me,
For I am a spectator here waiting to leave

I am the part of a game
Where we sin to repent and repent to sin
I am a prisoner on a death row,
Counting down the hours to the electric chair
And then one day I will be gone,
For I was created from a muscle,
To vanish as sand.
- February 28, 2006

Wrote this on a lazy day at work (The Review). This was the realisation that I am just a speck of dust in the bigger scheme of things. This was the day when cynicism replaced my idealism.

~ by Amna on May 22, 2008.